Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Me

I was starting tis nyte by having lots of thoughts in my mind bout myself. Actually my post tonyte will be something like this :
I think my life was getting sucks even more. I dont have any fren (at all) to tell about my whole day, everyday. Even my BestGirlFriend so busy with her study. My BestBoyFriend has vanished from my sight. I dont know why he avoid me so badly. Maybe its my fault. I didnt appreciate his kindness to me instead i repay with brought up back his fault. Im so sorry. Plus my buddy has left me (theotherGF). She has said sorry but nothing can be like before. Her mom knew bout our problem and when family has came into this matter its hard to fix anything like before. I dont like to stated bout myself here in tis blog. I dont think tis "blog tinggie" cn be a diary. My problems arent people to know and judge or whatever it is. But tonyte I guess I just broke my own stand. and etc etc.

So after watching some videos in utube and do some chatting with my fren, I thought there is maybe something that I didnt know. The truth behind all of the 'no friend' thing is. Maybe I still not ready fr having a BestFriend. I need to fix myself 1st. All the bad things in me which cant be known by others. I need to fix it myself to have good-clean relationship/friendship. This isnt the 1st time I be a loner. Almost my whole entire school life I am a loner. so I get used to it till people say Im the one who are arrogant.
The ugly truth bout me are :

  • Im afraid people would left me like before if I get close to them.
  • Im afraid people would hate me after they know the real me. 
  • Im to shy to make a move or start a communication.
  • Im not too brave to do lots of things but I'll always try hard to do it.
  • I dont want anyone know anything about my past if they didnt know bout my present.
  • I know people can see good things in me if they know me for real.
  • I have been live my life all this while with thought of me as a princess so I always forget that Im no more princess so no one will treat me nicely like I've always wanted.
If I need to choose a friend for me to live with forever, I would choose a girl instead a boy. It isnt because Im a les, it is just I love be in comfort of a girl. I wanna have a big sister, so thats why. So girl, if we are not close before Im different and when we become BFF Im different, dont panic. I just wanna be pamper by you. thats all. and I'll show u the true me. 

p/s: Im not say all of this thing to get attention. I just want u to know a lil bit of me.
p/s/s: Im a romantic person so Im kinda sensitive on some part.

  

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