Untuk apa menjadi begini
Hanya mengikut ikutan
Dia yang kau rasa sempurna
. . .
Tiada yang terbaik
Hanya boleh menjadi lebih baik
Dan tiada teringatkan
Diri yang tak punya unik
Sama seperti yang lainnya
Hati yang sendiri
Sunday, 18 March 2018
Untuk apa menjadi begini
Monday, 26 February 2018
Spacehawk mula dengan 5 buah lagu yang aku fikir masih boleh lagi pergi jauh. Mati itu menarik lagu dan arrangementnya. Tapi siapa aku untuk bicara perihal musik, aku bukannya handal. Ukur baju di badan sendiri. Yang pasti, Akmal, the guitarist was good! Real good! The expression, I was enjoying it.
Kerna aku baru pertama kali dengar lagu lagu mereka, jadinya tak banyak yang bisa di bicara. Cumanya, lagu Seikan No ada bunyi japang. Terasa selesa dengan nama band mereka (tho I don't know whether it is japanese name or not). Seikan No dan Nocta lebih kepada irama dari lirik jadinya aku yang baru ini, hampir ke laut mengelamun. Maaf. Ambil masa untuk berkenalan.
Antara 2 Darjat awal2 lagi sudah menarik perhatian. Ditambah dengan studio record aku tonton di youtube, membuatkan aku sedikit risau. He looked like he would not behave. And he's not. He was interactive performer. He interacted and being the centre of attention for the night was not a good feeling. Malu. Segan. Tho it was a good moment to hold on for a very long time. Paling Cinta Dalam Dunia nampaknya jadi lagu kegemaran kerna apa yang berlaku. Terima Kasih Iqbal untuk tidak behave dan berkelakuan sebegitu. You gain yourself a new fan!
Aku kepenatan dan tertidur dan terus sampai kerumah. Terima kasih untuk gig date. Another bucket list has been crossed off.
Monday, 12 February 2018
berbuku perasaan itu berjilid, comot dan kotor dan perlu aku ingatkan lagi. Hilang sudah diri. Aku hilang, hanyut dibawa diri sendiri mengejar kejayaan. Aku tak berasa puas. Tak. Aku tak rasa ada gunanya aku untuk diri aku.
Apa ertinya menjadi seorang aku.
Saturday, 6 January 2018
Dalam tahun duaribulapanbelas
Aku lakukan apa yang aku mahukan
Pencapaian yang aku pernah ragui dahulu
Dia kata "Kau pasti boleh kerna kau sentiasa boleh"
Aku percaya katakata itu
Aku percaya katakata kamu
Aku mahukan lebih dari dunia
Aku mahukan kebahagian disana
Aku mahukan kebijaksanaan
dan setiap kemahuan itu pasti diuji
dan berikanlah aku kekuatan
Harapnya cerita yang lebih muhasabah untuk ditulis
Diri yang lebih dipercayai oleh diri sendiri
Lebih banyak kebaikan yang aku lakukan
Lebih banyak bersabar dan menerima
Dua nombor yang aku bayangkan dari dulu
Untuk menjadi versi yang terbaik
Banyak lagi kerja yang perlu diselesaikan
Sunday, 10 December 2017
Perasaan ini yang sudah lama dipendam
Yang kira kira sudah tersimpan rapi
Dan aku sudah terima semuanya
Bahagia itu sederhana
Tapi perasaan itu kembali
Mahukan perhatian aku
Perhatian yang aku sudah alihkan pada lainnya
Kapan perasaan ini bisa berhenti
Kerna yang benar itu
Dan masih merasa tidak cukup
Dan aku sudah merasa lelah
Thursday, 7 December 2017
Dengan masalah, mesin, manusia
Aku dapat pemberitahuan kelmarin
Tapi aku terima sambil lalu
"Ya. Ini tidak patut. Trump itu kejam"
Dan aku biarkan masalah itu diawangan
Hari ini aku baca lagi
Mereka yang lainnya semua berketahuan
Dan aku masih lagi sibuk
Dengan masalah, mesin, manusia
Aku baca tulisan patriot
Aku malu kerna aku buta dan tuli
Dan sepertinya kita sudah kembali mengulangi sejarah
Dan kembali melakukan kesalahan
Berapa tahun lagi pastinya kita akan bebas jika Jarussalem ditawan kali kedua?
Apa yang aku boleh lakukan?
Saturday, 5 August 2017
Lyrebird is a bird that notable for their superb ability to mimic natural and artificial sounds from the environment. They can mimic everything and to surprise, it use the sounds it learns to mate (male lyrebird). This characteristic is the foundation of this novel, where Laura, a 26-year old girl has the talent to mimic sounds that she hears from her surroundings. Solomon, a sound director feels like Laura uses the sound to connect or make a link between her and the situation. Laura uses it well and the sounds helps her in deciding or arranging her thoughts. Bo, is a documentary director that found Laura on the day Joe Toolin died , as her new subject, new story for her to documented.
I guess instead of reviewing the book, I may just share how I felt when I read this book. I always judge anyone, lady or gent, if the person has innocence-kind behaviour. This kind of people annoys me. They feel fake. They look fake. I am extremely uncomfortable around these people. I will show my attitude, short-tempered while dealing with them and I am 100% not myself. I am not sur why I feel like this and Laura characters is just like that. I was really uncomfortable while reading this book. There's a loveline between Bo and Solomon and I knew it from the moment Solomon laid his eyes on Laura, I knew that Laura will attract Solomon towards her. It's not Laura fault entirely but she knew Solomon and Bo are together and why she still insisted to be together with Solomon. Using her lack of the world experiences as excuses to be with Solomon.
I hate the fact that these so-called innocence people always get what they wants. People always attend to them. For the record, I despise these people and despise is a strong word, I know. They pretends even though other people say other ways. I am not sure when I started having this ill feeling towards people like this. I judge people and affected when people judge me. Although I am not really care nowadays as someone told me;
"You don't need to smile if you don't want to. You don't need to please others if you don't want to. Be what you comfortable to be. If people don't like you then let them be. You don't need to smile just because people tell you so."
Never in my life, not even once, someone say that to me. Not even my parents. Everyone tell me I need to smile more. Be more friendly. When you smile, people will be comfortable around you. People will accept your presence. Why can't people just accept someone who looks depressed and not smiling? Who knows I might actually happy inside. It is just I don't feel like smiling. Bo is like that. She do smiles but she stern. Everything is perfect for her. Elegant in other words. She is a strong woman. Always sure about what she wants to do next and never play victims or looks weak in front of others. I love her. I love Bo strong attitude. But knows what Solomon's family called her? A COW. Just because Bo in Irish means cow. Solomon's family hate Bo's coldness. They hate everything about Bo but when Laura came with Solomon to his mother's birthday celebration, everyone loves her. Just because she is pretty, looks weak, with green eyes. Why discriminate?
There's no exception for Solomon too. He feel for her on the very first sight of seeing her. In the woods. She attacked his soul with her smile, "Hi.". That was it and Solomon died in the impromptu battlefield. Meanwhile Bo trusting Solomon with all her heart and always suggesting what she thinks is good to him tho she knew Solomon will mad at her and there will be another fight. And that's Bo. So strong to control her own feelings and emotions. Bo still continue supporting Solomon and Laura relationship saying that she isn't sure with whatever there is between her and Solomon. She let Solomon go. She picks up herself and move on.
I bet most people will say Lyrebird has a happy ending but it is not for me. I have unsettled feeling after finish reading this book and it triggers me to write immediately. I need to vent this unreasonable anger within me that I am myself not really sure why I feel like this.
Maybe because I am jealous?
Is that so?
Oh I hate to admit it by I have been learning to accept that I do feel jealously about this and it always get me mad. I am questioning why the world operates like this. Why discriminate? Why it is always hard for me when it comes to human?
There's only one time someone really listens to my story about the book I read and I didn't know that it's quite content to feel that. I miss that. Talking about the book I read and about whatever it is under the sky.
Again, reading Lyrebird doesn't bring me pleasure instead I am angry and feel lost now. Unsettled.