Saturday, 5 August 2017

A Series of Books #Lyrebird

Drowning in others presence, nature specifically, is a way to feel togetherness in the absence of other human. Inanimate objects and animals may bring contentment and making us moving on, walking through the life.

Lyrebird is a bird that notable for their superb ability to mimic natural and artificial sounds from the environment. They can mimic everything and to surprise, it use the sounds it learns to mate (male lyrebird). This characteristic is the foundation of this novel, where Laura, a 26-year old girl has the talent to mimic sounds that she hears from her surroundings. Solomon, a sound director feels like Laura uses the sound to connect or make a link between her and the situation. Laura uses it well and the sounds helps her in deciding or arranging her thoughts. Bo, is a documentary director that found Laura on the day Joe Toolin died , as her new subject, new story for her to documented.

I guess instead of reviewing the book, I may just share how I felt when I read this book. I always judge anyone, lady or gent, if the person has innocence-kind behaviour. This kind of people annoys me. They feel fake. They look fake. I am extremely uncomfortable around these people. I will show my attitude, short-tempered while dealing with them and I am 100% not myself. I am not sur why I feel like this and Laura characters is just like that.  I was really uncomfortable while reading this book. There's  a loveline between Bo and Solomon and I knew it from the moment Solomon laid his eyes on Laura, I knew that Laura will attract Solomon towards her. It's not Laura fault entirely but she knew Solomon and Bo are together and why she still insisted to be together with Solomon. Using her lack of the world experiences as excuses to be with Solomon.

I hate the fact that these so-called innocence people always get what they wants. People always attend to them. For the record, I despise these people and despise is a strong word, I know. They pretends even though other people say other ways. I am not sure when I started having this ill feeling towards people like this. I judge people and affected when people judge me. Although I am not really care nowadays as someone told me;

"You don't need to smile if you don't want to. You don't need to please others if you don't want to. Be what you comfortable to be. If people don't like you then let them be. You don't need to smile just because people tell you so."

Never in my life, not even once, someone say that to me. Not even my parents. Everyone tell me I need to smile more. Be more friendly. When you smile, people will be comfortable around you. People will accept your presence. Why can't people just accept someone who looks depressed and not smiling? Who knows I might actually happy inside. It is just I don't feel like smiling. Bo is like that. She do smiles but she stern. Everything is perfect for her. Elegant in other words. She is a strong woman. Always sure about what she wants to do next and never play victims or looks weak in front of others. I love her. I love Bo strong attitude. But knows what Solomon's family called her? A COW. Just because Bo in Irish means cow. Solomon's family hate Bo's coldness. They hate everything about Bo but when Laura came with Solomon to his mother's birthday celebration, everyone loves her. Just because she is pretty, looks weak, with green eyes. Why discriminate?

There's no exception for Solomon too. He feel for her on the very first sight of seeing her. In the woods. She attacked his soul with her smile, "Hi.". That was it and Solomon died in the impromptu battlefield. Meanwhile Bo trusting Solomon with all her heart and always suggesting what she thinks is good to him tho she knew Solomon will mad at her and there will be another fight. And that's Bo. So strong to control her own feelings and emotions. Bo still continue supporting Solomon and Laura relationship saying that she isn't sure with whatever there is between her and Solomon. She let Solomon go. She picks up herself and move on.

I am bet most people will say Lyrebird has a happy ending but it is not for me. I have unsettled feeling after finish reading this book and it triggers me to write immediately. I need to vent this unreasonable anger within me that I am myself not really sure why I feel like this.

Maybe because I am jealous?
Is that so?
Am I?

Oh I hate to admit it by I have been learning to accept that I do feel jealously about this and it always get me mad. I am questioning why the world operates like this. Why discriminate? Why it is always hard for me when it comes to human?

There's only one time someone really listens to my story about the book I read and I didn't know that it's quite content to feel that. I miss that. Talking about the book I read and about whatever it is under the sky.

Again, reading Lyrebird doesn't bring me pleasure instead I am angry and feel lost now. Unsettled.

Monday, 24 July 2017

A Series of Books #A Brief History of Time

"… within a few years we should know whether we can believe that we live in a universe that is completely self-contained and without beginning or end." - Stephen Hawking, 1996

Human's nature always want to know more, the curiosity making us exploring and embarking to a journey of finding something. Human feel the purpose of life when they busy with finding and that's how science is growing. It starts from questioning and making assumptions to proving the idea of how the world starts and evolving, or is it? Initially, observation is made by saying the world is on the back of a giant tortoise and there is something holding the sky so that it is hanging.  It then changes to the world is flat and if you sail straight to the end of the sea, you will fall. The world is rectangle, they said. Then come in the Greek philosopher, Aristotle saying that the earth is round sphere rather than a flat plate.

Before the word "scientist" is heard, the philosopher explains their theory of earth inside their books. A philosopher, who offers views or theories profound questions in a lot of things and establishes the central ideas of some movement.  There are three things that Aristotle realise that makes him says that the world is sphere:
• That eclipses of the moon were caused by the earth coming between the sun and the moon. The earth's shadow on the moon was always round, which would be true if only the earth is spherical.
• The Greeks knew from their travels that the North Star appeared lower in the sky when viewed in the south then it did in the more northerly regions.
• The third argument is why else does one first see the sails of a ship coming over the horizon and only later see the hull?

There are a lot of observations been made to come out with a theory that initiates the discovering of something that can lead to another. A good theory is when it satisfies two requirements. It must be accurately describe a large class of observations on the basis of the model that contains only a few arbitrary elements, and it must make definite predictions about the results of future observations. It is not only Aristotle that given out his ideas of the beginning of time, Newton have some says too and also Galileo, from the beginning. These people were living at the same time and those introduced theories have been circulated, that's why it's expanding and more people were involved in the quest of finding the complete description of the universe we live in.

The book A Brief History of Time explains not only about the realisation on the earth is a sphere but also talking about time and space. For an enthusiast of science or people who wants to start learning about science, this book gives you the satisfaction of understanding the process of discovering our world from the mind of intellectuals that been said in the simplest word. There is  a pulling force to drawn you in while reading this book and the feeling is so good you wanted to know more as you flip the pages. The possibility of time-travel also been discussed as what triggers the possibility of it.

 Stephen Hawking ended this book with;
"Despite the vastness of multiverse, there is sense in which we remain significant: we can still be proud to be part of a species that is working all this out. With that in mind, the coming years should be just as exciting as the last twenty"

I thought, while reading this book, how there is more any other findings if all these intelligent already discovers the world since the last twenty decades, what more new than what we already knew? However, the last sentence from Stephen Hawking made me realise that each one of us has a role to play. I might not be the key person to make a new discovery or establish a new theory but I may help to make or to prove the theory to be true. And when the theory of the life is proven, we will be settled on one point and starts to discover another point.

Life is a journey, of discovering and understanding a lot of the life.

p/s: I didn't know that there is something smaller than an atom or a proton and these scientist gives all the weird names for every new things they discovered. It is hard to keep up. Nonetheless, keep reading it cause it gives you insight on other people's mind.

Friday, 30 June 2017

A Series of Books #Puisi Berantakan

"Satu saja : Jangan lecehkan tulisan orang lain. Siapa tau, mungkin itu satu-satunya nafas yang dia punya"

This is going to be my first time of reviewing a poems book. I am not really sure how to review this (either in Malay or in English) because this collection of poems are beautifully written in Malay  with combination of Indonesian. It talks about the heartbroken, longing, loneliness, hope and struggle.

To those whom loves poems as much as I do, and you know I turn to poems everytime I'm on my lowest point. When I get through heartbroken phase, depression phase, confusion phase. There is always a collection of poems that I read through and just read it again and again and try my very best to stay calm and be rational.

For this time around, again, I got into depression because of relationship issue and I met this book. I always believe books come to you and not the other way around. They want you to read them that's why you attracted to it. Your sub-conscious tells you to get the book. That's why I think bookworms become bookworms because of the law of attraction between human and the book. They pull you into the unending of feeling attracts to books.

Back to this book, let me share some of the poems that touch me more than others;

Hujan

Di bawah rintik hujan aku berdansa
Menari ikut nyanyian suara hujan
Merasakan tiap tetes hujan yang jatuh
Berputar putar ikut rentak bundaran sendiri,

Tangan dihanturkan biar berdepa
Dinginnya air hujanmeluluhkan bahang hati
Saat itu aku tidak lagi peduli mata mata lain
Biarkan mereka berkata kata
Biarkan aku menikmatinya sendiri.

Datang lagi hujan temani aku
Datang lagi hujan temui aku.

Karena dengan hadirnya rintik rintik itu
Aku menemukan kembali
Diriku
Senyumku
Tawaku.

This piece reminds me of him, that one special friend. He told me how stressed he was because of his nature of work, addition to the human problem he faced on that one time. Then he fell off from buildings, his sick body, all of these things that made him craves on rain. He said rain brings him happiness. He feels like a kid again. He forgot his worries. I imagined him smiling under the rain, jumping into puddles, enjoying every seconds of that moment and crying to let go of his problems. He is one tough friend. I wish you happiness.

Bayangan
h
Kau hadir lagi
Kau datang lagi
Kau kembali lagi
Kau muncul lagi

Bayangan hati
kau terindah

Bayangan mata
Kau anugerah.

You haunted me every night for a month, and when I saw you in my dreams I feel like everything else is a dream. I feel like you are more real than a real world itself. This feeling tortures me more than I can even imagine before. The thought of you coming back to me and everything goes back to normal kills me internally. It was the first time. Ever. Feeling so hopeless and restless. Unsure. But the same thought, the same shadow of you, keeps me moving on from that phase.

For the last piece,

Tentang Cinta, Hati dan Rasa

Tentang cinta, hati dan rasa
Cermin di depanku melihat aku dan bertanya
"apakah kau tau apa yang sedang kau bicarakan?"

Merenungnya kembali, aku jawab
"aku tau persis siapa seorang aku
Pada dasarnya tidak di posisi layak tuk
Berkata tentang cinta, hati dan rasa"

Cermin, aku cuma mau bereskpresi;
Selagi nafas itu masih ada
Selagi memori itu masih ada
Selagi kita masih ada - kita.

It was a short journey, of knowing another stranger to become a special one back to a stranger. It was a lengthy process of human interaction which I always avoid to face. I chose to exclude myself from another being just because I know I can fall into deepest pit of hell if it goes unwell. However, God ask me, us, to show some effort to get something and here I am, trying to be better.


p/s: to you my special friend, you have been sitting on a special place in my heart, I decided to make you my special one, but maybe, I think, maybe, there is just no "you and me" in the future so that's why this happen. To make me learn something from you but never to learn forever with you. Thank you. 

Monday, 12 June 2017

Ujian

perempuan datang atas nama cinta
bunda pergi karna cinta
digenangi air racun jingga adalah wajahmu
seperti bulan lelap tidur di hatimu
yang berdinding kelam dan kedinginan

ada apa dengannya
meninggalkan hati untuk dicaci
lalu sekali ini aku melihat karya surga
dari mata seorang hawa

ada apa dengan cinta
tapi aku pasti akan kembali
dalam satu purnama
untuk mempertanyakan kembali cintanya.
bukan untuknya, bukan untuk siapa
tapi untukku

karena aku ingin kamu,itu saja.
. . . 

Bagi aku, bulan ini memberi lebih ketenangan
memberi lebih perhatian
memberi lebih kasih sayang
dan setiap kasih sayang tuhan itu datangnya dalam pelbagai bentuk

kuatlah hati menerima kasih tuhan
dalam setiap satu itu Dia beri pengajaran
dan manusia itu termasuk dalam ujian kasih tuhan

A Series of Books #Perfect

Life is not meant to be flawless.

However, what do you think you will do when your perfect life starts to crumble? And it doesn't go your way? What will you do then? When everything arounds you seems to abandon you and the most you can do is nothing?

The continuation of Flawed by Cecelia Ahern which concludes the journey of Celestine North. A girl whom is having her perfect life, with her perfect family and perfect boyfriend but because of one act of kindness, changed her perfect life 360. Irony is it? How simple act of kindness can make your life worse than Celestine can imagine.

A country where not only govern by government but also an organisation that claim itself as a defence of the country from corrupted mind. It judges people and split them to perfect and flawed race. For every flawed person, there is minimum one brand on their body and the treatment of them is the second class treatment. Flawed cannot be in a community and there is always a whistleblower to take care of flawed person. There are a lot of laws and restriction even on food for flawed person as freedom is a luxury for them.

Celestine North, a girl whom act on logic, thinks that helping a sick flawed is not a crime but in her world people sees it as aiding a flawed and there is a law regarding that, which no people can aid a flawed unless another flawed but maximum only one person. More than two flawed people sitting/standing together will be penalised. Thus, she has been dragged to the  Guild court to be judge. There are five brands that can be branded to people but Celestine has more. She is special, perfect or flawed. She has been branded without anaesthetic and the brand is smeared on her pancreas. It is the most distracting brand and can bring the Guild down as the Guild has make a wrong step.

Perfect tell us on how 18-year-old girl survive in a world where there is no common sense but only perfect way of life. There is no consideration given certain situation even if it is includes the life and death. How people trying so hard to display a perfect life and ultimately deny all flaws whereas only the presence of flaw can make us differentiate it from perfect. Although that kind of life condition has improved the economy but the nature of human is they always wants more than whatever they already have. The journey to reveal what is wrong and what is right, what is common sense and consideration, kindness and flexibility and freedom. A tough decision and rough road for a girl to make things right again and to make people understand that maturity is not based on age but on the level of thinking by considering several factors. To have empathy but firm in decision making, and with logic.

It is a great book that gives you insight on what would the world be if this kind of things happen without actually happening. It dwells you on the present, the life we are living in and judge our own action. How actually we perceive this world, a world where some people think they will live eternally.

It teach me that every good action will brings you joy although there are a lot of sacrifice to be made, but it is a worthy one. Every good action. Every one of it. The truth may reveal a bit late but the truth always comes out. Nothing can beat truth and justice.

The few quotes I love from the book are:

" A weed is simply a plant that wants to grow where people want something else" - Grandad.

" … the moment we are beyond making wishes is either the moment we are truly happy, or the moment to give up" - Celestine

"  There are seven character flaws. Self-depreciation is belittling, and undervaluing oneself. Self-destruction is sabotaging, punishing and harming. Martyrdom is someone who denies responsibilities, blames others. Stubbornness is resisting change, even a positive one. Greed is selfishness, overindulgence, overconsumption. Arrogance is a superiority complex, a need to be seen as better than others because being ordinary is intolerable. Impatience is intolerance of obstruction and delay." - Judge Crevan.                                                                                         

May you find enjoyment and thrill while reading this book as that is how I feel. The feeling of suspense and fear are presented well also the bravery shown by the characters.

Turn your imagination to somewhat brings the inner child in you so that you may enjoy all the little things in this world.



Wednesday, 17 May 2017

A Series of Books #The Gift

Lets restart this label of me reviewing books that I enjoyed reading.

What would you wish for if your life demand you to be at two places at one time? And this happen for the rest of you life? What one thing that you wish can simplify your life and makes you be present everywhere where you needed?

Lou Suffern enjoying his life running almost everywhere, be present at every meeting either the starting of it or almost the end but he always there. Making sure people will see his effort and his determination towards his job. For him, wealth and money are the measure of success. The bigger your office is, the more success you are. The higher position you have, the more success you are. This battle makes his family go crazy, his wife, his siblings, his parents even his son. He will be the first one coming in to the office as he loves the silence that welcomes him in his office. No printer sound, the lemon fresh smell of clean floor, and no one but him. He feels like he is under control of everything.

One day, out of his character, he stop and notice a homeless man named Gabriel or Gabe for short. He isn't sure why Gabe attracts him to stop and talk to the homeless guy. It is just plain weird for him too. He feels like looking into a mirror. He sees himself in Gabe but with Martin boots and blanket on the ground. Lou greets him. Gabe starts talking like he knows Lou. Like he actually know Lou personally. Then what spark Lou interest on Gabe is when Gabe talk about shoes of people that walking around the building. Those shoes give great interest to Lou as he thinks he knows who the owner of the shoes. However Gabe tell a story that confuses Lou of why these pair of shoes are with each other. He gives Gabe a job and that is where everything starts.

Lou, a self-conscious man who puts his job as top priority  and now always looking over his shoulder to make in time for every work-related events, meeting or after party that can give him good portfolio and becomes more successful. He feels threatened with the presence of Gabe that he wonder how Gabe can travels through floors so fast and deliver his job so efficiently, Gabe can do another job because all of his work in the company is done. The big boss has notice Gabe working attitude and compliment him in front of Lou and that worries him more.

Gabe gives Lou a gift. Capsules that can help Lou wins against time. The battle that worries not only him but all his family and also Gabe. Lou mistakenly the capsules with drugs which is against his ethics and he definitely not going to success with the helps of drugs, in whatever form it is. However Gabe wants Lou to accept it and explains to Lou how the capsules work. It will split the consumer into two and that condition gives advantage to Lou to be present at two places in one time. Lou stuns and obviously interested in that though he still doubting Gabe.

Gabe explanation proven right when Lou take the pills and he sees himself and each of him attend different meeting to make a deal and he won both of it. He says that the pills really makes him under control of everything, spending time with his family and also be top of his work. That what is Gabe wants since beginning and Lou finally understand it. Though, the pills is no other that ordinary sleeping pills which Gabe tricks Lou to eat it and experiences the magic.

. . .

I think Gabe is not a human in this story. I think he is an angel that gives Lou more time to correct what's wrong and makes Lou's family remembers Lou as a family man as well as a successful businessman. A normal sleeping pill cannot divide human body into two unless with a bit help of magic, am I right?

The capsules/pills that Gabe gives to Lou is a gift from him to provides Lou with more time to spend with his family. More time for Lou to realise what is more important in his life. More time for Lou to decide which brings more happiness to him. Lou finally discover it although at the final night of his life, but he succeeds.

Time. A subjective matter that human, us, usually take advantage on. We think we have all the time in this world to do what we loves but we forget that time is not rewindable. Time cannot be bought by money. Time is a matter that cannot be retrieve back and we only have 24 hours, 3600 seconds to spend wisely. To be used in most efficient ways and not regret it for any reasons.

BUT

Human always make mistake. From mistake we learn. With any lesson learnt, we improve. Although we use our precious time to make mistake but that mistake improve us from zero to hero, hopefully.

For anything that happens, it happens for a reason.

Learn, Live, Love.

"One man's lesson is another man's tale, but often, a man's tale can be another's lesson."
"Appreciating your loved ones. Acknowledging all the special person in your life. Concentrating on what's important."

Thursday, 4 May 2017

Experience

I think because of this depression, I tend to write a lot these past weeks because by only write, I can actually say everything out loud.
" People write because no one listen"
So the thing is I talked about my current issue with a friend. A dear friend. I took the opportunity to asked his opinion as a guy whom I think comfortable to be friend with me.

Q: What do you think of me, honestly?
A: You are an independent. So independent, guys don't feel like taking care of you because you can take care of yourself.

*confused

Isn't being independent is a charm? I think it is charming for a girl who can take care of herself real well and it is attractive. I don't need a guy to help me with everything if I can do it myself.

Q: So is being independent bad?
A: Guys love showing their masculine side and with you they just can't. They feel small around you. You are too strong in their eyes. Dominant.

Q: Then?
A: You are ambitious, Yasmin and it scares them away. You always want to have your opinions be heard too in every conversation. I mean, you have your own thoughts on everything. Sometimes, guys just want you to follow their lead. You have modern-city-like mentality and some of these guys just don't like that. You are open-minded. You don't care too much. You don't mind if a guy likes to play computer games late at night. Somehow it's better for the guy to tell white lies but with you, you want clarity, transparent, honesty and guy just not that.

Q: Is that bad?
A: It is depends. The old school mentality person cannot handle your personality. You are not normal to them. You are plain weird. You are too western.

Q: But my friend is awesome and she has a boyfriend. I mean people actually like her, adore her. Comfortable with her. And I think, she just like me. I mean I am similar to her. Is there something wrong with me?
A: No. You just not find a guy whom likes you they way you are. She might probably find that person. A person who loves her dearly, but you are not yet.

Q: I love being pampered by someone I love. I tried play dumb in stuff like cars or like men-stuff. I am not act all mighty and strong but they still go away. Why?
A: Because somehow it does not reflect the real you and you lost your charm there. Maybe they sense that. They sense that you are lying.

*almost giving up

L: Yasmin, you are still young. Why so stress on this matter? Enjoy your life.
Y: Because there are only two options; to marry and not to marry. I decided to get married and I want to when I am 25, and get kids before 28. But 25-years-old-Yasmin is next year! And I still fail in love. *pfftt

L: I like being your friend. You are not typical. You speaks your mind. As a friend, I like you. *Friendzoned But I too don't really fancy a girl with strong personality. It takes greater strength to be with you.
Y: Even you? I understand that. I am just too difficult. I should just stick to the decision of not to get married and I won't feeling this hopeless.

. . .

Is people feel intimidated when they know the real me? I didn't give any harm to people. I just being me. Be a miss independent like Ne-yo said. Be a one-in-a-million girl but still got fool by people. If being honest and transparent in relationship (any kind of relationship) is weird and I guess I just not for this generation. The generation where lies and secrecy give thrilling sense and mystery is charming. I love being mysterious and it thrills me too but certainty gives assurance. And assurance strengthen the bond. I know this does not apply to everyone but I am just unlucky to go through this. So much to learn about life and I wish I can skip this and just disappear. Like bubble foam in the sea. Forgotten by people and everything. No strings attached. Just gone.