Saturday, 6 January 2018

Dua Lima

Dua Lima
Dalam tahun duaribulapanbelas
Aku lakukan apa yang aku mahukan
Pencapaian yang aku pernah ragui dahulu
Dia kata "Kau pasti boleh kerna kau sentiasa boleh"
Aku percaya katakata itu
Aku percaya katakata kamu
Syukur tuhan

Dua Lima
Aku mahukan lebih dari dunia
Aku mahukan kebahagian disana
Aku mahukan kebijaksanaan
dan setiap kemahuan itu pasti diuji
dan berikanlah aku kekuatan

Dua Lima
Harapnya cerita yang lebih muhasabah untuk ditulis
Diri yang lebih dipercayai oleh diri sendiri
Lebih banyak kebaikan yang aku lakukan
Lebih banyak bersabar dan menerima

Dua Lima
Dua nombor yang aku bayangkan dari dulu
Untuk menjadi versi yang terbaik
Banyak lagi kerja yang perlu diselesaikan

Sunday, 10 December 2017


Perasaan ini yang sudah lama dipendam
Yang kira kira sudah tersimpan rapi
Dan aku sudah terima semuanya

Aku bahagia
Bahagia itu sederhana

Tapi perasaan itu kembali
Mahukan perhatian aku
Perhatian yang aku sudah alihkan pada lainnya
Kapan perasaan ini bisa berhenti

Letakkan noktah
Aku cuba
Pejamkan mata
Dan tersenyum

Kerna yang benar itu
Aku bahagia
Dan masih merasa tidak cukup
Dan aku sudah merasa lelah

Thursday, 7 December 2017


Saat ini aku hanya sibuk
Dengan masalah, mesin, manusia
Aku dapat pemberitahuan kelmarin
Tapi aku terima sambil lalu
"Ya. Ini tidak patut. Trump itu kejam"
Dan aku biarkan masalah itu diawangan
dan melupakan
Hari ini aku baca lagi
Tajuk hangat
Mereka yang lainnya semua berketahuan
Dan aku masih lagi sibuk
Dengan masalah, mesin, manusia
Aku baca tulisan patriot
Tentang sejarah
Aku malu kerna aku buta dan tuli
Tentang sejarah
Dan sepertinya kita sudah kembali mengulangi sejarah
Dan kembali melakukan kesalahan
Berapa tahun lagi pastinya kita akan bebas jika Jarussalem ditawan kali kedua?
Apa yang aku boleh lakukan?

Saturday, 5 August 2017

A Series of Books #Lyrebird

Drowning in others presence, nature specifically, is a way to feel togetherness in the absence of other human. Inanimate objects and animals may bring contentment and making us moving on, walking through the life.

Lyrebird is a bird that notable for their superb ability to mimic natural and artificial sounds from the environment. They can mimic everything and to surprise, it use the sounds it learns to mate (male lyrebird). This characteristic is the foundation of this novel, where Laura, a 26-year old girl has the talent to mimic sounds that she hears from her surroundings. Solomon, a sound director feels like Laura uses the sound to connect or make a link between her and the situation. Laura uses it well and the sounds helps her in deciding or arranging her thoughts. Bo, is a documentary director that found Laura on the day Joe Toolin died , as her new subject, new story for her to documented.

I guess instead of reviewing the book, I may just share how I felt when I read this book. I always judge anyone, lady or gent, if the person has innocence-kind behaviour. This kind of people annoys me. They feel fake. They look fake. I am extremely uncomfortable around these people. I will show my attitude, short-tempered while dealing with them and I am 100% not myself. I am not sur why I feel like this and Laura characters is just like that.  I was really uncomfortable while reading this book. There's  a loveline between Bo and Solomon and I knew it from the moment Solomon laid his eyes on Laura, I knew that Laura will attract Solomon towards her. It's not Laura fault entirely but she knew Solomon and Bo are together and why she still insisted to be together with Solomon. Using her lack of the world experiences as excuses to be with Solomon.

I hate the fact that these so-called innocence people always get what they wants. People always attend to them. For the record, I despise these people and despise is a strong word, I know. They pretends even though other people say other ways. I am not sure when I started having this ill feeling towards people like this. I judge people and affected when people judge me. Although I am not really care nowadays as someone told me;

"You don't need to smile if you don't want to. You don't need to please others if you don't want to. Be what you comfortable to be. If people don't like you then let them be. You don't need to smile just because people tell you so."

Never in my life, not even once, someone say that to me. Not even my parents. Everyone tell me I need to smile more. Be more friendly. When you smile, people will be comfortable around you. People will accept your presence. Why can't people just accept someone who looks depressed and not smiling? Who knows I might actually happy inside. It is just I don't feel like smiling. Bo is like that. She do smiles but she stern. Everything is perfect for her. Elegant in other words. She is a strong woman. Always sure about what she wants to do next and never play victims or looks weak in front of others. I love her. I love Bo strong attitude. But knows what Solomon's family called her? A COW. Just because Bo in Irish means cow. Solomon's family hate Bo's coldness. They hate everything about Bo but when Laura came with Solomon to his mother's birthday celebration, everyone loves her. Just because she is pretty, looks weak, with green eyes. Why discriminate?

There's no exception for Solomon too. He feel for her on the very first sight of seeing her. In the woods. She attacked his soul with her smile, "Hi.". That was it and Solomon died in the impromptu battlefield. Meanwhile Bo trusting Solomon with all her heart and always suggesting what she thinks is good to him tho she knew Solomon will mad at her and there will be another fight. And that's Bo. So strong to control her own feelings and emotions. Bo still continue supporting Solomon and Laura relationship saying that she isn't sure with whatever there is between her and Solomon. She let Solomon go. She picks up herself and move on.

I am bet most people will say Lyrebird has a happy ending but it is not for me. I have unsettled feeling after finish reading this book and it triggers me to write immediately. I need to vent this unreasonable anger within me that I am myself not really sure why I feel like this.

Maybe because I am jealous?
Is that so?
Am I?

Oh I hate to admit it by I have been learning to accept that I do feel jealously about this and it always get me mad. I am questioning why the world operates like this. Why discriminate? Why it is always hard for me when it comes to human?

There's only one time someone really listens to my story about the book I read and I didn't know that it's quite content to feel that. I miss that. Talking about the book I read and about whatever it is under the sky.

Again, reading Lyrebird doesn't bring me pleasure instead I am angry and feel lost now. Unsettled.

Monday, 24 July 2017

A Series of Books #A Brief History of Time

"… within a few years we should know whether we can believe that we live in a universe that is completely self-contained and without beginning or end." - Stephen Hawking, 1996

Human's nature always want to know more, the curiosity making us exploring and embarking to a journey of finding something. Human feel the purpose of life when they busy with finding and that's how science is growing. It starts from questioning and making assumptions to proving the idea of how the world starts and evolving, or is it? Initially, observation is made by saying the world is on the back of a giant tortoise and there is something holding the sky so that it is hanging.  It then changes to the world is flat and if you sail straight to the end of the sea, you will fall. The world is rectangle, they said. Then come in the Greek philosopher, Aristotle saying that the earth is round sphere rather than a flat plate.

Before the word "scientist" is heard, the philosopher explains their theory of earth inside their books. A philosopher, who offers views or theories profound questions in a lot of things and establishes the central ideas of some movement.  There are three things that Aristotle realise that makes him says that the world is sphere:
• That eclipses of the moon were caused by the earth coming between the sun and the moon. The earth's shadow on the moon was always round, which would be true if only the earth is spherical.
• The Greeks knew from their travels that the North Star appeared lower in the sky when viewed in the south then it did in the more northerly regions.
• The third argument is why else does one first see the sails of a ship coming over the horizon and only later see the hull?

There are a lot of observations been made to come out with a theory that initiates the discovering of something that can lead to another. A good theory is when it satisfies two requirements. It must be accurately describe a large class of observations on the basis of the model that contains only a few arbitrary elements, and it must make definite predictions about the results of future observations. It is not only Aristotle that given out his ideas of the beginning of time, Newton have some says too and also Galileo, from the beginning. These people were living at the same time and those introduced theories have been circulated, that's why it's expanding and more people were involved in the quest of finding the complete description of the universe we live in.

The book A Brief History of Time explains not only about the realisation on the earth is a sphere but also talking about time and space. For an enthusiast of science or people who wants to start learning about science, this book gives you the satisfaction of understanding the process of discovering our world from the mind of intellectuals that been said in the simplest word. There is  a pulling force to drawn you in while reading this book and the feeling is so good you wanted to know more as you flip the pages. The possibility of time-travel also been discussed as what triggers the possibility of it.

 Stephen Hawking ended this book with;
"Despite the vastness of multiverse, there is sense in which we remain significant: we can still be proud to be part of a species that is working all this out. With that in mind, the coming years should be just as exciting as the last twenty"

I thought, while reading this book, how there is more any other findings if all these intelligent already discovers the world since the last twenty decades, what more new than what we already knew? However, the last sentence from Stephen Hawking made me realise that each one of us has a role to play. I might not be the key person to make a new discovery or establish a new theory but I may help to make or to prove the theory to be true. And when the theory of the life is proven, we will be settled on one point and starts to discover another point.

Life is a journey, of discovering and understanding a lot of the life.

p/s: I didn't know that there is something smaller than an atom or a proton and these scientist gives all the weird names for every new things they discovered. It is hard to keep up. Nonetheless, keep reading it cause it gives you insight on other people's mind.

Friday, 30 June 2017

A Series of Books #Puisi Berantakan

"Satu saja : Jangan lecehkan tulisan orang lain. Siapa tau, mungkin itu satu-satunya nafas yang dia punya"

This is going to be my first time of reviewing a poems book. I am not really sure how to review this (either in Malay or in English) because this collection of poems are beautifully written in Malay  with combination of Indonesian. It talks about the heartbroken, longing, loneliness, hope and struggle.

To those whom loves poems as much as I do, and you know I turn to poems everytime I'm on my lowest point. When I get through heartbroken phase, depression phase, confusion phase. There is always a collection of poems that I read through and just read it again and again and try my very best to stay calm and be rational.

For this time around, again, I got into depression because of relationship issue and I met this book. I always believe books come to you and not the other way around. They want you to read them that's why you attracted to it. Your sub-conscious tells you to get the book. That's why I think bookworms become bookworms because of the law of attraction between human and the book. They pull you into the unending of feeling attracts to books.

Back to this book, let me share some of the poems that touch me more than others;


Di bawah rintik hujan aku berdansa
Menari ikut nyanyian suara hujan
Merasakan tiap tetes hujan yang jatuh
Berputar putar ikut rentak bundaran sendiri,

Tangan dihanturkan biar berdepa
Dinginnya air hujanmeluluhkan bahang hati
Saat itu aku tidak lagi peduli mata mata lain
Biarkan mereka berkata kata
Biarkan aku menikmatinya sendiri.

Datang lagi hujan temani aku
Datang lagi hujan temui aku.

Karena dengan hadirnya rintik rintik itu
Aku menemukan kembali

This piece reminds me of him, that one special friend. He told me how stressed he was because of his nature of work, addition to the human problem he faced on that one time. Then he fell off from buildings, his sick body, all of these things that made him craves on rain. He said rain brings him happiness. He feels like a kid again. He forgot his worries. I imagined him smiling under the rain, jumping into puddles, enjoying every seconds of that moment and crying to let go of his problems. He is one tough friend. I wish you happiness.

Kau hadir lagi
Kau datang lagi
Kau kembali lagi
Kau muncul lagi

Bayangan hati
kau terindah

Bayangan mata
Kau anugerah.

You haunted me every night for a month, and when I saw you in my dreams I feel like everything else is a dream. I feel like you are more real than a real world itself. This feeling tortures me more than I can even imagine before. The thought of you coming back to me and everything goes back to normal kills me internally. It was the first time. Ever. Feeling so hopeless and restless. Unsure. But the same thought, the same shadow of you, keeps me moving on from that phase.

For the last piece,

Tentang Cinta, Hati dan Rasa

Tentang cinta, hati dan rasa
Cermin di depanku melihat aku dan bertanya
"apakah kau tau apa yang sedang kau bicarakan?"

Merenungnya kembali, aku jawab
"aku tau persis siapa seorang aku
Pada dasarnya tidak di posisi layak tuk
Berkata tentang cinta, hati dan rasa"

Cermin, aku cuma mau bereskpresi;
Selagi nafas itu masih ada
Selagi memori itu masih ada
Selagi kita masih ada - kita.

It was a short journey, of knowing another stranger to become a special one back to a stranger. It was a lengthy process of human interaction which I always avoid to face. I chose to exclude myself from another being just because I know I can fall into deepest pit of hell if it goes unwell. However, God ask me, us, to show some effort to get something and here I am, trying to be better.

p/s: to you my special friend, you have been sitting on a special place in my heart, I decided to make you my special one, but maybe, I think, maybe, there is just no "you and me" in the future so that's why this happen. To make me learn something from you but never to learn forever with you. Thank you. 

Monday, 12 June 2017


perempuan datang atas nama cinta
bunda pergi karna cinta
digenangi air racun jingga adalah wajahmu
seperti bulan lelap tidur di hatimu
yang berdinding kelam dan kedinginan

ada apa dengannya
meninggalkan hati untuk dicaci
lalu sekali ini aku melihat karya surga
dari mata seorang hawa

ada apa dengan cinta
tapi aku pasti akan kembali
dalam satu purnama
untuk mempertanyakan kembali cintanya.
bukan untuknya, bukan untuk siapa
tapi untukku

karena aku ingin kamu,itu saja.
. . . 

Bagi aku, bulan ini memberi lebih ketenangan
memberi lebih perhatian
memberi lebih kasih sayang
dan setiap kasih sayang tuhan itu datangnya dalam pelbagai bentuk

kuatlah hati menerima kasih tuhan
dalam setiap satu itu Dia beri pengajaran
dan manusia itu termasuk dalam ujian kasih tuhan